“If your goals aren’t synced with the substance of your heart, then achieving them won’t matter much.”
Every year come January, millions of us excitedly dream up and write down all of our (usually way too numerous and lofty) New Year’s Resolutions that we vow to stick to in the coming twelve months.
Within days, weeks, or sometimes even months for the rare few, these resolutions tend to be put on the back burner for some undetermined date in the future, if not totally forgotten about.
Then when the next year rolls around, we’re hit with another dose of amnesia and optimism as we decide to repeat the cycle all over again.
Does this sound familiar to you at all?
Have you already written out your list for 2021?
If so, absolutely NO judgment here whatsoever. I was right there with you for longer than I’d care to admit.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am certainly not against goal setting or even necessarily the idea of resolutions. I’m ALL about intentional growth and conscious change. That is my JAM, no question there.
What I’m NOT for is forcing ourselves to mindlessly go after goals that aren’t even aligned with what we really want because it’s a new year and that’s what we’re “supposed” to do.
Putting this kind of pressure on ourselves is not the pathway to true and lasting transformation. Instead, these seemingly harmless resolutions (as they’re approached by most of us every January) can lead to an unhealthy all-or-nothing mentality and giving up as we inevitably become frustrated by our external expectations not being met as quickly as we’d like.
I’m not exactly sure when my mindset on this turned around and when I stopped setting typical resolutions, but I’d say it’s been over five years at this point.
One thing that greatly helped shift my perspective on New Year’s Resolutions and got me trying a new way? This godsend of a book:
The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte.
Even though I actually haven’t picked it up in years, its overall message has stayed with me and undoubtably influenced my current beliefs and how I navigate the world.
She shared the concept of “core desired feelings” which have become a staple in my life and I highly recommend inviting into your vocabulary and your way of approaching goals too.
It all starts with asking the simple question:
How do I want to FEEL?
When you begin tuning into the FEELING of what you desire before diving into more tangible goals (if you choose to do so), you can then more easily align with where you’re hoping to go and actually see the real and sustainable change that you seek.
And if you’ve already made any resolutions this year, or have any specific goals, you can even look them over and ask yourself what feeling you are intending to generate within yourself by setting them.
This will help you to dig deeper into WHY you want to achieve your goals.
You may want to choose just one feeling to have a strong focus for the year.
You may want to choose dozens because you don’t want to feel constrained by limiting yourself.
You may even want to choose a word or theme for the year that isn’t a feeling per-say. It’s all about EVOKING a feeling and getting you tapped in.
There are literally endless options and it’s all about what feels right for YOU and your life in this moment.
Let’s take a few minutes together right now to brainstorm your potential core desired feelings.
This is how I personally do it: I write down every word that comes into my mind as something I may want to embody or experience in some capacity, then circle the ones I resonate with the most. I choose as many or as few feel good for me.
To give you a specific example, one of my main core desired feelings for 2021 is TRUST.
Trusting myself. Trusting the wisdom of my body. Trusting the guidance of my soul. Trusting the unfolding of Life. Trusting the cycles of nature. Trusting the divine plan of the Universe. Trusting my loving heart to lead the way as I fully surrender to the journey.
Here are some more ideas for you (straight from my years of brainstorming the best of the best) in case any of them light an inner spark and you’d like to choose for yourself:
Nourished. Connected. Love. Whole. Grounded. Liberated. Expansive. Worthy. Curious. Light. Alive. Wild. Lit Up. Confident. Authentic. Grateful. Sacred. Awakened. Open. Blissful. Receptive. Soft. Passionate. Free. Playful. Empowered. Balanced. Healed. Ascension. Divine Love. Reborn. Ignited. Anchored. Ready. Steady. Devoted. Supported. Held. Safe. Purpose. Ease. Creative. Tapped In. Compassionate. Present. Clarity. Integrity. Committed. Focused. Strong. Generous. Harmony. At Peace. Spacious. Magical. Fully Expressed. Brave. Inspired. Heart Centered.
Get out a journal and pen and let your deepest desires flow!
Whenever you want to set a goal, any time of the year, first tune in and see if it aligns with your core desired feelings. This will greatly help you stay connected to what you really want and make all of your goals from a soul-centered space.
One thing I really want to emphasize too is that you don’t have to decide your words or feelings right now. You can sit with it. You can FEEL it out. You can choose a bunch and then pare them down in a few weeks. I want you to do this YOUR way, just as I’ve learned to do it my (ever-changing) way myself.
I highly recommend consistently checking in with yourself throughout the year, seeing if the feelings or words you’ve chosen still resonate as the months go by. If not, CHANGE them. They aren’t set in stone, they’re meant to be flexible and support you along every step of your wonderfully unique path.
Let your core desired feelings be your compass and guide your way forward. THIS is the gateway to achieving all that you want in 2021 and beyond.
From the bottom of my heart, I’m wishing you a beautiful year full of magic and ALL the feels.
Ok, have you come up with some good ones yet?! Send ‘em my way, I’d love to hear what you’ve got.
